- Added: 11th of September 2008
- Area: Stockwell
- Category: Bars and Pubs
London SW9 9BE
020 7978 9778
VickieMac said
Eat & Run!
I met a boy at this bar. Yep, you heard right. I met a real live boy! (I'll pause while you lean in closer to the screen.)
Actually, I met an enormous (6 ft 4, 300lb) beast of a man that was hungry for a piece of me! (…and in more ways than one!) But don’t get too excited because although he seemed nice enough, sadly he won’t be visiting my fair domicile anytime soon.
It all started when he snatched a camera out of my hand, kissed me and pushed me into the picture. This was a bit of a shock but I've come to learn that this is not entirely unusual behaviour for Swan boys. Then, he tried to buy me a drink (they didn't have what I wanted), then he tried to talk to me (he ripped my hair out trying to get to my ear because the music was so loud), and then he danced with me (this new fangled dance requiring little-to-no movement)to the cheesiest selection of sultry sounds I've heard in decades. But I figured that’s okay, when I could hear what he was saying he wasn’t too bad. That was until he tried to eat me!
Seriously, right there in the middle of the not so packed dancefloor he tried to eat my face! I thought I was going to need a complete run of cosmetic surgery to repair the mangled state of my mouth. This guy made a full on midnight snack out of me! He literally chewed my lips and I'm pretty sure he took a chunk out of my shoulder. So, what happened next? I ran. Fast.
Perhaps it was my chocolate scented perfume that made a taste of your’s truly seem so difficult to resist (or perhaps not). But whatever it was, as you can plainly see I'm hardly quick snack for anybody!
As I mentioned, I've come to realise this is a common occurance at the Swan as it's quite possibly one of London's largest meat markets. But if you enjoy falling prey to a very eclectic selection of patrons and grooving to the sweet sounds of the eighies and nineties then this is the place for you. Oh, and make sure you check out their Cheeky Vimtos. They're a treat!