• Added: 27th of May 2008
• Area: Kings Cross
• Category: Cafes and Coffee Shops

London NW1 2QL
020 7837 1603

LondonistMatt said
Salad Daze
Chop’d (not sure where the PE went, although I wish my school had pioneered this excision) is a small chain of salad bars. I’m a regular visitor to their new St Pancras branch. Mostly because I enjoy finding an excuse to cross the endangered Victorian rail bridge inside King’s Cross, but also to gorge on their perfect salads.

You have two options once inside. Grab one of the pre-made bowls from the fridge or get a server to piece together a bespoke salad for you. The latter seems to involve far too many questions, so I usually plump for the ready-mades. These Vader helemts of botanical sustenance cost a fair whack (we’re talking £5-£7), but they’ll keep you munching away for the best part of an hour. Ironically, vegetarians are poorly provided for from the fridge section, but meat-eaters will love the Parma ham offering, with its hidden pasta layers.

Picking the salad is the easy part. You also have to choose amongst a dozen or so dressings. Then comes the baffling payment system. Those wanting the salad bar queue to the right, while those wanting to pay for a preprepared bowl pay on the left, behind an unfortunately placed pillar. That’s the plan, anyway. Newcomers end up scratching their head, or feeling that those on the left are somehow pushing in. Better design needed.

In summary: pricey but nicey; ergonomically dicey.

• Added: 14th of December 2007
• Area: Camden Town
• Category: Restaurants

London NW1 8AG
020 7428 0998

LondonistMatt said
A Restaurant Themed on a Book
This relative newcomer to Chalk Farm Road is modelled on Jules Verne's Around the World in 80 Days.

Stonking idea. Let's have more eateries tied into books and movies. Although best avoid any pastry shops themed around the film 'American Pie'.

Naturally, the food comes from all over the place. Choose from European Journey (which includes Argentinian steak for some reason), Asian Journey, African Journey, and American Journey. Smartarse customers who request Australasian cuisine may be slapped.

Check out the after-meal drinks menu. Not only Irish coffee, but Gallic coffee too.

The walls are festooned with maps and imagery from the Verne story, and classical music sets the mood. So in character did I feel, that I called over the waiter:

"I say, my good man, that was indeed a hearty repast."
"Why, thank you Sir."
"Yes, so good that I would like to venture a little wager," I continued.
"A wager, Sir?" ejaculated the waiter.
"Aye. I would like to place the sum of one million pounds sterling that you can't name the evil wolf character in 'Around the World with Willy Fogg'"
"Why, would that be the wicked and conniving Transfer, the saboteur agent hired by the head of the Bank of England, one Mr Sullivan, to foil Willy Fogg's attempt to circumnavigate the globe?"

And that's how my total bill came to £1,000,032.45

• Added: 5th of October 2007
• Area: Chalk Farm
• Category: Restaurants

London NW1 8UY
020 7586 7454

LondonistMatt said
Beware of Greeks bearing...food
I'm going to make no friends here, I'm sure. But isn't Greek food a bit naff? I mean, come on. It's just stodge. OOoo,a few olives on the side to make it look all sophisticated and stuff. But really, it's just endless riffs on a shepherd's pie.

Lemonia's a decent restaurant with lovely staff, who work hard to make sure everyone's happy. But they miss the trick most Greek restaurants I've been to usually pull: bring out an infinite number of plates to disguise the fact that none of them are much better than a clump of steamy earth. Here, I had two very small courses: filo-parcelled yellow stodge followed by aubergine stuffed with brown stodge. Mrs Matt had courgette neatly chopped, sauteed, then pulped into a brown stodge, followed by moussaka (orange stodge).

So, for me, traditional Greek, if that's what we got, is like traditional English. Hearty, warming, but ultimately forgettable.

Prove me wrong Greeks. Prove me wrong. Show me a Greek place worth visiting. Change my opinion.

Mrs Matt wishes to state that she *really* enjoyed her food and loved the service and that Mr Matt is a curmudgeonly grumpion who wouldn't know good food if it forced its way down his gullet, causing him to gag and collapse so the last thing he saw before the good food choked him was a biplane leaving a contrail of sky writing that said 'that was good food that was'.

• Added: 9th of August 2007
• Area: Bloomsbury
• Category: Bars and Pubs

London WC1N 3LZ
020 7405 0713

LondonistMatt said
"No, I don't think we have any ghosts"
...says manager Suzanne. "And I'm not sure I have any interesting stories about the place."

Reviews of the Lamb always follow the same formula. Cosy old boozer...snob screens...Victoriana. I was desperate to find something new to say. And lacking facts, I'll have to make some up.

It has London's second smallest beer garden (beaten only by The Enterprise, just down the road). It has a friendly barman who looks like that young hobbit fellow off of BBC weather (Matt Taylor?). It serves a pint of 'Special' that smells of radishes. And a tributary of the River Fleet flows very close to its basement (though they're probably not aware of it). Plus, it attracts the most amiable of clientele, including the founders of this site.

None, some or all of the above are true.

The upstairs room is available for hire (normally 30). It's less ornate than the downstairs bar, but is the perfect size for a gathering of 40 or so people.

Food is good, but you really should go next door to Ciao Bella for a top meal.

You're likely to encounter medics, postdocs, adventurous lawyers, science publishers and a smattering of tourists. I seem to meet random Canadians every time I set foot in the place. Canadians are always nice. Apart from Donald Sutherland. He is clearly evil, trying to kill that nice James Bond chap in You Only Live Twice. Oh, hang on, that was Donald Pleasance wasn't it? I take it back. Donald Sutherland is a nice Canadian. Keifer is probably fairly nice, but often gets a bit aggresive in '24'. I think the jury's still out there.

• Added: 11th of July 2007
• Area: Hampstead
• Category: Sightseeing and Attractions

London NW3 7JR
020 8348 1286

LondonistMatt said
Nothing to see except for...bees, bees, bees, bees
Where did I get the title from? Watch here:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/cup/

Yes, it's a cafe full of bees. And wasps. And pigeons. And Telegraph readers (this is Kenwood House we're talking about).

On the plus side, it's the best cafe in the whole of Hampstead Heath.

And, actually, the food's not that bad. Except for the crunchy, spiky wasp mouthfulls.

The grub (as opposed to the grubs) comes from Company of Cooks, a decent supplier who also stock such venues as the Royal Festival Hall.

Sarnies are of a high standard, made from that nice nutty bread that only your grandmother could find. Beer is surprisingly eclectic. How many cafe's offer bottled bitter?

Still, can't help being perturbed by the constant oral ingress of Kenwood's insect life. Note to self: 24-spot yellow ladybirds do not taste better than pumpkin seeds, despite their attractive mottling.

In summary: Bill Odie and Kate Bumhole, this is the place for you.

PS, that's my mum's hand, not mine. I'm not so wrinkly.

• Added: 4th of July 2007
• Area: Kings Cross
• Category: Cafes and Coffee Shops

London N1 9AA

LondonistMatt said
It's just a Costa, but I think I like it
26-30 York Way? What, three whole buildings' worth of Costa? Well, it doesn't seem so big once through the doors. This place has the nice cozy feel of a community caff, rare in a chain.

They have a guest book. (Is this a Costa norm?) Someone hearts Rosa. Another person adores Luigi. A third customer was lost for words and simply left a coffee stain by way of feedback. At least I hope it was a coffee stain.

The branch is right in the middle of the 'Regents Quarter' - a major regeneration of derelict victorian warehousing and goods yards. Fans of loud drilling and buzz-saw duets will delight in the frequent aural intrusions from adjoining buildings. It's the closest experience I've yet had to dining on a construction site - one of my life's ambitions. (See also visiting my first Ikea, and getting the point of Bob Dylan.)

I had a mocha Flake, which I discovered is actually a mocha with two Flakes. Bad naming there.

OK, maybe on reflection it was a mocha with one Flake, but broken into two Flake moieites. I guess that's not so easy to fit on the menu board.

I also bought an egg sandwich (there's that streak of ambition shining through again). Which, in fact, was two egg sandwiches, and we enter the same argument about labelling as previously.

The cafe is not geared up for reading magazines printed on glossy paper. Bright overhead lights caused me all kinds of reflected inconvenience as I attempted to read an article on Cocknies in Time Out.

I didn't leave a message in the guest book. Instead, I left behind a book about graffiti. On purpose. I'm moving flat in a week or two and am trying to get rid of as many books as possible. It's quite thrilling, leaving things behind and sneaking away before a helpful neighbour tries to tell you you've left something. I just have to make sure I don't extend the habit to suitcases or fire extinguishers.

• Added: 21st of June 2007
• Area: Euston
• Category: Cafes and Coffee Shops

London NW1 2BE

LondonistMatt said
Learn about obesity, then achieve it
And now it's time for...a cafe that hasn't even opened yet.

Trusted Places' first scoop?

The Wellcome Collection is a new venue for art, science and medicine. It's ace. Really. Go.

At the time of writing - 4.40 am - it hasn't officially opened to the public. I wangled a sneak preview, on account of me being a spawny git.

The cultural spaces are amongst the best in London. Unless you detest medicine, science, history and art, you'll find much of interest.

Those who prefer eating things to looking at things are also in for a treat. The associated Payton & Byrne cafe is the best on Euston Road. Which, come to think of it, isn't really saying much.

It's mostly pastries and salads, though some warm dishes are available. I had a fig roll.

Now, the attraction with fig rolls is in the stacking. Many's the time I've constructed elaborate dry-stone walls, or sweatmeat pyramids from a packet of these quasi-biscuits. A more permanent fixture can be achieved using some kind of edible cement, such as a jam.

This fig roll was totally at odds with my previous experiences. For starters, it had no friends. Stacking food is no fun if you only have one item. Secondly, it was rounded and crumbly. This could compromise any structure built from an aggregation of such rolls.

So I was forced to eat it.

There's a nice ambience about the place, with everything from trays to plates to comfy chairs covered in the Wellcome colourscheme. Antony Gormley hangs from the ceiling, possibly glued on with jam. The salt and pepper come in strange shakers, which look suspiciously like specimen jars. And nearby, the bookshop offers advice on diet and obesity.

In summary: clinical upholstery, full of medics.

• Added: 10th of June 2007
• Area: Bankside
• Category: Restaurants

London SE1 2AA
020 7403 7000

LondonistMatt said

Now, I'm a chemist by background. Not of the dispensing type. No, the kind what hangs about in labs making smelly compounds. I don't do it now, but I used to. The analytical techniques you are taught, and the stench of halogens, live with you always.

Back in the teaching labs, we used to play a version of hangman (you kids probably call it hangperson these days) where the mystery word was a chemical compound. See, chemistry really can be fun.

As a veterans of this specialist game, my mind was stimulated by a trip to More London recently.

'dim t' said the sign. 'Dimethyl sulphoxide', I guessed.

But then I realised that would be stupid. The letter 'i' has already been guessed, so it can't be a sulphoxide. Besides, international convention is to spell all sulfur compouds with an 'f' these days (pandering to the Americans).

After further investigation, it seemed my guess was even further out than I'd imagined. dim t, it seems, is a small-chain restaurant specialising in dim sum. I don't know what the chemical formula for dimsum is, but I would hope it doesn't include too much sulphur. Or indeed sulfur.

I went in to investigate.

Oh boy, I'll be going back, even if they don't like word games.

They really look after you. Customer service has been drilled into the staff to such an extent you could almost see the rawlplugs. When they forgot our drinks, the apologetic scene was like the Monty Python greasy fork sketch. We got the drinks for free, plus a complimentary bowl of upper-class prawn crackers.

It's hard to concentrate on what you're eating, when there's a gorgeous view of Tower Bridge out of the window, and you're still trying to construct hangman solutions for dim t.

But I guess I should mention the food. It wasn't half bad, though the seafood laksa lacked seafood.

In summary: Maybe they do like wordplay after all.

• Added: 10th of June 2007
• Area: Fitzrovia
• Category: Restaurants

London W1T 2ET

LondonistMatt said
Not a dungaree-clad clown in sight
Hamburger Union, eh? Well, I'm not a hamburger and I'm not really a union man, but I do enjoy walking into random buildings armed with an inane enquiry or two.

Turns out that Hamburger Union is a restaurant, not a political alliance for the mutual interests of hot sandwiches. How random.

I'm a vegetarian on Saturdays, so I ordered the citrus marinated halloumi chargrilled with red onion, piquillo pepper, beetroot and rocket.

I didn't just remember that. It's cut and pasted from their menu: http://www.hamburgerunion.com/ham_menu.html

The burger came within a couple of minutes. I rather enjoyed it. Smoehow, they'd dampened that mesmeric squeaking noise that sets halloumi apart from other cheeses. Possibly with some kind of sauce. I'm not really sure how. But I don't approve.

Unlike most posh burger joints, the sandwich was small enough to be eaten without recourse to kebab sticks, bulldog clips and other structural aids.

Nice as the food was, the plates were the highlight for me. Simple, scratched black plastic disks. The perfect canvas for painting mustard-based smiley faces.

On getting home, I found that you can join up to the Union after all.

http://www.hamburgerunion.com/index.html

I don't think I'll be going to any AGMs, but it's nice to know the rights of burgers everywhere are being represented.

• Added: 7th of June 2007
• Area: Kings Cross
• Category: Restaurants

London WC1X 9NT
020 7812 1842

LondonistMatt said
They don't serve acorns
It's true. I asked. They do furnish every customer with a packet of seeds though. What am I going to do with seeds? I live in a second-floor flat with no space for a window box. Perhaps I could plant them in the carpet. Then I could use a lawn mower rather than a hoover to clean the floor. Actually, that's not a bad idea.

Before you get your seeds, there's the small matter of the food itself. Now, I've been four times, and always go for the multi-salad option. It really bamboozles the uninitiated. Like, why am I ordering four salads? That's how they do things in here. You pick three or four salads and they all come heaped on top of one another in a precarious pile not usually seen outside of all-you-can-eat buffets.

Also, the manager looks really familiar. Maybe because I've been four times and he has the same facial features each time. But I'm sure I know him from somewhere else.

In summary: a good place to recollect what fenugreek is.