• Added: 5th of October 2008
• Area: Marylebone
• Category: Restaurants

London W1U 2QF
020 7935 1144

Browners said
Not really a caffe - more of an Italian bistro
Our table for 5 could barely support the weight of the contents of the entire anti-pasti menu! All 6 of their starters appeared on our table and were devoured with a combination of greed, starvation and foodie curiosity. As you'd expect all of the wonderful hams and cured beef were exemplary. But the joint stars of the show were the ball of mozerella and the cougette matchsticks with calamari - a sqeeze of lemon transforms them into little sticks of joy.

Main courses were good too. My haddock was fine, but the spinach and tomatoes stole the show. The skin on the fish could have been crispier and the flesh was well cooked but its integrity had been compromised - maybe it fell apart as it left the pan and was carefully reconstructed. It didn't affect the taste - but as we all know we do eat with our eyes.

The girls had linguine with tomato, chilli and cream which looked great. I've had it before and can testify to its depth and kick. Jess had a vast veal escalope which was large enough to feed the whole of Northern Italy. Tasty though.

My panacotta with passion fruit was perfect. I am a complete sucker for passion fruit. Handled correctly I fall head over heels for it. It wobbled sexily before disappearing inside my already bulging tummy. Yum and twice yum.

We probably didn't need any Calvados - but it added to the fun of the occasion and put me in the mood for the Pie Competition to follow!

Our only gripe was the lethargic service. They didn't get anything wrong. But they just took an age doing everything. And it didn't help that we were obviously all wearing our invisibility cloaks. Probably best not to wear them next time.

• Added: 5th of October 2008
• Area: Farringdon
• Category: Restaurants

London EC1R 0DU
020 7253 1100

Browners said
Dans le Very Clever for a One Off
In a sudden fit of bravery we decided to take our wonderful Client out for an adventurous dinner. She is based in the States so we rarely get to see each other face to face.

This will now seem like a non-sequitor...

So we took her to Dans le Noir in Farringdon for a fabulous night of dining in the dark. We are working on a project that is all about sensual experiences, so it made perfect sense to finish the day's hard work with a meal that would push all of our sensual boundaries.

Arriving at the restaurant we were greeted in the foyer by a collection of very engaging maitre d's. They made us put all of our kit in a locker so that no mobile phones or watches with illuminated faces could disturb the sheer blackness of the dining room.

I don't think any of us were ready for the attack on our senese that was to follow. After a quick cocktail to instil a bit of Dutch courage in all of us, we queued up behind a blind waitress/guide and were led into the pitch black room. Some squealed. Others were a bit more stoical. We found our table using our hands and all sat down around what we all thought was a round table, but turned out to be oblong!

We groped around the table looking for water glasses and bottles. The only way you can pour everyone's wine is to put your finger in the glass and keep pouring until your finger gets wet! Not very hygenic. But great fun.

We all spoke very loudly to begin with as we acclimatised to the dark. Towards the end of the meal our voices became more calm and we shouted a lot less! It's bizarre just how reliant we all are on our sense of sight.

I found it really hard to determine what I was eating and to be honest can't quite remember. Memory works very badly when you remove the sense of sight. My starter may have involved something resembling spring rolls filled with what I thought was minced chicken and somebody else thought was tuna - which turned out to be duck.

Likewise I got terribly confused by my main course which I still swear to the this day was lamb, but turned out to be a mixture of ostrich fillet on one side of the plate and venison on the other. But we all recognised the distinctive smell and flavour of the truffled risotto that acted as a division between the two meats.

Personally I loved the whole experience. There is something very liberating about being in the dark. It may have been the amount of wine I was drinking because I was thirsty and couldn't find my water glass... but I found myself saying things at a work dinner that I would never otherwise have said. I've never had so much fun chatting a joking around a (now clearly rectangular) table. Everything seems funnier in the dark.

Be careful about coming here if you know people are claustrophobic or are a bit strapped for cash as it isn't cheap. But remember you are coming here for an experience and not simply a meal. In many ways this is the idea of a restaurant pushed to the extreme. It's not about the food. It's about opening your mind and having an entertaining time. We learnt a lot about each other during the course of the meal and feel like we all bonded along the way.

Will any of us return? Unlikely. But not in a bad way. We've all been talking about the experience ever since and won't ever forget that crazy meal we all had in the dark! It's a great place to come if you want to break the ice.

• Added: 28th of September 2008
• Area: Bankside
• Category: Restaurants

London SE1 2TU
020 7403 1342

Browners said
"Maw-delin" or "Mag-de-lin"
My parents are obsessed with Mark Rothko. A bit like how Peter Stringfellow is obsessed with girls in plastic high heels and bikinis. It's a sort of pseudo-sexual thing. All encompassing and fascinating. So it was with great excitement that we went on a Brown family outing to the Tate Modern for their hugely anticipated "Rothko - the late years" exhibition on Friday for a private viewing. It didn't disappoint. It just served to reconfirm, if that was needed at all, that Rothko's work is as moving and haunting as Bach and Mozart. It was more like an existential philosophy exhibition than a gallery of paintings.

We returned on Saturday to be in the audience for the all afternoon seminar connected to the exhibition. We were surrounded on all sides by people with even more emphatic Rothko fetishes than Mum and Dad! Not that I thought this was possible. I guess it's a bit like thinking your pretty good at football having scored a few goals for your school side and then going off to the regional trials - only to see all the other boys can kick the ball miles and have all the kit! But I am pleased to say that the Brown family held their own. Mum has vowed never to wash her right hand again having shaken hands with Mark Rothko's son, Christopher!

Still buzzing from 4 hours of in depth intercourse about the ins and outs of the world of Rothko, we strolled along Bankside up towards Tooley street where we were delighted to find Magdalen. It's from the Anchor and Hope school of cookery. Or if you are from Bristol, it's similar to The Albany. The deep maroon walls made us feel like we were eating with the Seagram Murals hanging around us!

The menu excited me more than the others. I loved the 3 part simplicity of it all. But on the downside it means that it reads less flamboyantly than menus tended to a few years ago. Beds, jus, tranches and so forth are gone. Now it's all about guess work and trust. It's the sign of a confident restaurant.

I was in two minds about what to have. The devil inside me was whispering in my ear... telling me to have the grouse... but at £26 I couldn't. Instead I was delighted with my choice of potted crab which was as silky as a silkworm's sleeping bag, followed by an unctuous combination of shoulder and leg of pork - served with a mustardy sauce and the lightest crackling I have ever had. This was top class cooking. And brilliantly British.

The others had a very good cauliflower soup with walnuts and other earthy autumnal bits and pieces... and Dad had a Rothko coloured maroon on black seared haunch venison. The fish soup, slow cooked shoulder of lamb and halibut that followed were equally memorable. All bore the hallmark of a kitchen that is at ease with itself. Don't get me wrong - it was all very good food. But I wonder what they are capable when they push things a bit further?

I shared a blindingly good lemon tart with a burn sugar crust which was top class The pastry was thin and crumbled at just the right moments when you showed it the spoon. And the lemon custard was still warm and silky.

Our only criticism concerns 3 embarrassments.

1. The step at the bottom of the stairs is not the same depth as the other stairs... I almost tripped over twice in the middle of the dinning room.

2. I had to queue to get into the gents in full view of the restaurant. It didn't really feel right.

3. Dad had an altercation with the manager about their policy of automatically adding a gratuity of 12.5%. Our waitress had been fantastic all evening - so we wanted to give her a tip... but we disagreed severely with their tipping policy. Surely if the gratuity is at the discretion of the person paying... it is not up to the restaurant to behave like this. It leaves a very sour taste in the mouth and we hope that Magdalen changes their policy.

Tremendous food. The perfect place for a Rothko inspired dinner. O... and how are you supposed to pronounce the name?

• Added: 28th of September 2008
• Area: Clapham
• Category: Bars and Pubs

London SW4 6BJ
020 7819 9312

Browners said
What a transformation
My first house in London was a horrific ground floor flat with cracked lino floors, a terrifying gas oven and a serious mouse problem. Our moving in party on November 4th 2005 caused chaos. Someone hot boxed our landlord's car. Someone was sick over the fence into our lovely next door neighbour's sand-pit. Someone then fell through the same fence and propped it up with a super-market trolley. Then we let off enough fire-works to make our local community wish they were living in the Helmand Province. Then the police arrived to ask if any of us had witnessed the assault that had been committed in the pub opposite our house - in the Stonhouse.

It was the grottiest pub you can imagine. The most hostile atmosphere that makes being a Liverpool fan in Istanbul seem like a romantic holiday. My housemate at the time and I went to have our inaugural pint in our local and couldn't have felt more uncomfortable... the pool table had no baize, the walls had no paint, the toilets had no toilets and the walls were riddled with bizarre holes. It was horrific. Then mysteriously one night it conveniently caught fire and almost over night transformed into a very smart gastro-pub.

So it was with great fondness and no less curiosity that I returned to Stonhouse Street for a pre-cinema meal on Friday. I arrived feeling very warm and fairly full having been treated to some fantastic prawns and white wine at Wright's in Borough Market on the way back from the brilliant Rothko exhibition.

The transformation from ugly duckling to sauve, urbane swan is really hard for me to cope with. But in a good way. Somebody has done a fabulous job of resurrecting this phoenix from the flames.

The £12 fixed menu was tight but generous... whilst my crab cakes could generously be described as poor, the steak was as good as you'll get for the price. It came with a very commendable basil and lemon mayonnaise and enough chips to put a smile on Mr McCain's face.

The girls probably did better than me. Victoria's chicken liver and mushrooms on toast was delicious and extremely plentiful. I'm not one to take off marks for large portions... but it did dent her appetite for a few minutes! Cowie junior's smoked salmon pate was very smokey and beautifully coarse. Good honest food. Really tasty. Far tastier than my lump of crispy edged deep fried mashed potato with ghost of crab.

They both couldn't resist having fish pie on a Friday being the good Catholic school girls that they are. I didn't even get a sniff of it so it must have been good.

Our Chilean red was robust and good value. I certainly left with a good ready brek glow... ready to battle through 2 hours of Keira Knightly plodding her way through another period drama.

Hats off to the Stonhouse. It was completely packed when we left. We will definitely be back next time we go to the cinema - especially if they keep their Top Table offer going.

• Added: 27th of September 2008
• Area: Balham
• Category: Restaurants

London SW12 9EX
020 8675 6900

Browners said
Rick Stein at Harrison's
It's not every school night you get to meet Rick Stein! We whizzed down to Balham in a nick of time to find Rick sat at a low round table, slightly awkwardly making small talk and signing books. After a brief chat with the publicist about Rick's forthcoming TV series and book called Coast to Coast Victoria and I siddled over for a chat.

Our chat was derailed pretty quickly when both pieces of infomration the publicist had told us turned out to be emphatically wrong! There is no TV series. And the book is about his travels around the world and not just the UK.

Perturbed by the sudden end to our conversation... I grabbed a conversational topic from nowhere and landed up asking Rick Stein whether he had ever cooked a fish meringue!!! As it turned out he was really interested in the idea and I explained that it's like baking fish in salt. Essentially you stuff a whole fish such as a sea bass with fennel, lemon and other goodies... and then pour over 6 or 7 whipped egg whites. Pop it in the oven for enough time to cook it and then serve your gobsmacked guests the most moist fish you'll come across. I first read about it a really cool book called "The Daily Italian" by one of Jamie Oliver's proteges.

So look out for this badger featuring on Rick's menu sometime soon!

We broke off from the book signing and settled in for dinner. Ignoring the special offer that had drawn us in the first place... we loved our raw salmon with soy, ginger and chillie. Although it may have been a bit feisty for some. But the star of the show was the liver and bacon... Having never had liver and bacon before I was twitching with excitement when it arrived and became increasingly anxious as I saw it drying out on the pass. But I needn't have worried because it was blissfully awesome. Soft and moist. Meaty and slightly charred. The mash was brilliant and the pancetta and onion rings didn't let it down either. I feel like a smack addict. I'm now gagging for the next hit.

Having had a few OK experiences at Harrison's we are now big fans - keen to pop in for dinner more often.

• Added: 27th of September 2008
• Area: London
• Category: Restaurants

London SW12 9HA

Browners said
Gone downhill
For some reason they have changed Ly Bar which was good into Ly Ly Canteen which is bad. Don't ask me why. Gone are the steamed sea bass, pork in a clay pot and dark mood lighting. In are imitation Wagamamma dishes, benches and bright lights.

We shared a bland salmon ramen which we doused in chiili... and were slightly more impressed by the salmon kichup manis with rice which was perfectly cooked but lacking in flavour.

The couple on the table next to us complained that their food had arrived too quickly... the implication being that the food is just popped in a micro-wave.

Our starters were actually quite decent. The sticky ribs were really good. The meat fell away from the bone. But the sauce was so hot that Cowie burnt her mouth with her first bite! Microwaved perhaps? It's actually dangerous to serve food, especially sugary sauces this hot. I remember McDonald's were once sued for serving coffee so hot it burnt a woman's lap. Maybe Cowie could sue for having her taste buds nailed! The dip should at the very least come with a government health warning.

We're disappointed Ly Bar has gone... and now looking forward to exploring the rest of Balham's restaurants. Cattle Grid and Dish Dash to be precise.

• Added: 27th of September 2008
• Area: Balham
• Category: Restaurants

London SW12 9SG
02086739099

Browners said
Very glad Balham now has its own steak house
Balham is going from strength to strength. Whilst claims that Balham is the new Notting Hill might be a little bit premature... the area is definitely on the rise.

Aside from Gazette and at a push the Devonshire, you will struggle to find a decent steak in Balham. Until now.

It has filled the slightly awkward boots left by Raviolo - which didn't last very long. When you walk out of Balham station you are greeted with the sight of a large statue of a cow which makes you think you are in Milton Keynes... hardly the centre of the bovine universe.

Cattle Grid is essentially a steak version of the Gourmet Burget Kitchen. No table service. Utilitarian look and feel. Short new world wine list packed with bold reds. You get a choice of steaks - rib eye, sirloin or T bone, supplemented by two variations on piggy ribs or a burger. I admire the fact that the menu is so bare. I hate the way that some restaurants offer a billion options - Starbuck's is currently boasting that they have 80,000 different combinations of coffee. Fuck off and just give me a good espresso. Oh hang on... you can't.

... but I think I'd like to see some different cuts on the menu. Maybe a feather steak, or a hanger steak... or possibly a little bit of rump. Maybe, they'll do this once they've established themselves.

We ordered 2 rib eye steaks - medium rare. One arrived perfectly cooked but the other one was grey through the middle. Possibly we should have sent it back. The chips were good and we were delighted with the watercress salad. My bernaise sauce was a bit stingy - but then again I do regard steak eating as an excuse to eat bernaise sauce!

One of us had a very substantial burger which looked good. But strangely we weren't permitted to request how it was cooked. They insist on serving it medium well which is a bit odd. I love a juicy burger... but a meaty, cloying burger is less fun.

Our bottle of Argie Malbec was good value and was a perfect match for the steak... as it always is. And at well under £20 it was good value.

But the star of the show was without question the onion rings. Soft, sweet onions hid beneath a crisp, light batter. Stunning... if a little bit naughty.

We couldn't resist baked cheese cake which was served with very vanillery ice cream. Tremendous. We were really impressed.

Cattle Grid isn't the finished article. But it is an improvement on Raviolo... and will we're very pleased to have a steak restaurant in Balham. But the key question is... will we go back? I won't actively avoid it... but I reckon the steak is better at Gazette and Bodeans... plus they offer dishes that Cowie would like to tuck into too. So I have a feeling that I will return at some point... but it won't be a regular occurence. If you are going to concentrate just on serving steak... it has to knock your socks off.

• Added: 27th of September 2008
• Area: Notting Hill
• Category: Restaurants

London W11 2AA
020 7229 2907

Browners said
Mouldy Chopsticks
Beach Blanket Babylon is one of London's trendiest bars and has a buzzing restaurant. It is beloved by the Notting Hill set and typifices the idea of style over substance. Which is why we went there in the first place!

Your senses are blown away by the over the top decorations - it couldn't be more rococo if it tried.

No matter how trendy or posh you think your restaurant is... there are some basic catering rules that you can't break. Such as don't swear at the customers. Don't serve unhygenic food. Make sure there aren't any mouse-traps on show... etc. Common sense basically.

3 plates of perfectly good sushi arrived at our table along with some sets of chopsticks. The light wasn't great... but it was bright enough to detect a luminous green glow. On closer inspection we realised that the chopsticks were covered in a furry green mould. Gross! The elegant waitress simply took them back and didn't even consider apologising for it!

Our next course was very tasty... but sadly undermined by such a major lapse.

• Added: 18th of August 2008
• Area: Cheltenham
• Category: Restaurants

Cheltenham GL50 3DN
01242 221212

Browners said
Best Restaurant in Cheltenham
We went to Cheltenham for a long weekend to escape the humid monotony of London. We're both country folk at heart who get very twitchy if we haven't seen a field or smelt a cow pat for a few days. We were treated to 3 glroious days of sunshine. Probably the only three consecutive days the sun has worn his baseball cap a la William Hague for the whole summer of 2008.

We stayed at 32 which is in the Mr and Mrs Smith guide. I'll leave you to look at it yourself, but needless to say it was very swish and very stylish. A nice change to frilly curtains and flowery pillow cases your normally get at BnBs. O... and the breakfast was perfect. Apart from the mindless chatter from some of the other guests. We uncovered a new truism. When given a rectangular table, layed with six places, the first couple will always choose the far end. The next couple will always choose the near end. And the last couple will land up gimping it up in the middle seats - sandwiched between two strange couples.

I'm pretty bad at small talk at the best of times, afterall this is Cowie's speciality. But I am atrocious in the morning. I'm perfectly capable of ordering tea and saying yes to all the different permuatations of the full English breakfast, but anything beyond that is not on. Breakfast should be silent. A chance to read the papers. A nice way to ease into the day whilst listening to the news. A chance to think about what the day has in store for you. The rest of the day is for talking.

I was one of 4 Jonathans staying at 32, with the other 2 Jonathans in charge of the place and the 4th being a guest. When we arrived on Friday we immediately interogated Jonathan 1 about our dinner options. He wholeheartedly recommeded a newly opened restaurant called The Royal Wells Tavern. Impressed, we took the recommendation and strolled across Imperial Square to a very unlikely location next door to a dirty looking chip shop and opposite the National Tyre Centre and bus station.

With all the tables busy we sat at the bar and were talked into ordering some Breton oysters that had arrived earlier in the day that the front of house had tried for lunch. They didn't disappoint. Smaller than normal oysters they were deliciously fresh and flavoursome. Oozing with the essence of the sea they instantly rejuvinated us after our long journey from London. With a glass of house wine from a small caraffe I joked with the chap who was serving us that I felt like Simon Hopkinson should be sitting next to me. He laughed and pointed at a small library of cookery books that stood behind the bar - all of which I owned - including 2 by SH himself! And the others by the rest of his band of merry men.

The more got stuck in the more we realised that this was a very special place. Like a cross between the Anchor and Hope, Cafe Anglais, Riverford Farm and all of the other places that put their ingredients first and chefyness second.

Cowie had a lovely fillet of bream whilst I was completely bowled over by an expertly poached fillet of sea trout which came with some brown shrimp butter and a mound of vivid green samphire. Without doubt the finest trout or salmon dish I have ever had the good fortune to eat.

I had a sudden pang of greedy curiosity whilst waiting for my trout which resulted in a small plate of lambs tongue arriving just as the fish did. I've rarely tasted something so deep and meaty. Inadvertantly I had created my own surf and turf! Cowie the taste and texture of it... but it was the gassy after-effects that really turned her off!

We shared a vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce for dessert, which was perfect too.

The staff were brilliant. The best either of us have ever come across. The chap we had chatted to at the bar when we first arrived turned out to be the ridiculously young owner who we subsequently found out is called Sam Pearman. He was effortlessly charming in a very disarming way. We found ourselves discussing our next trip to La Champignon Sauvage with him. I won't write here what he said but can tell you he was right!

If you are ever in Cheltenham you simply have to visit Sam's restaurant. It's the best in town. If only all towns had a restaurant as good and straightforward as this.

• Added: 18th of August 2008
• Area: Cheltenham
• Category: Restaurants

Cheltenham GL50 2AQ
01242 573449

Browners said
5 for Food and -1 for Atmosphere
Ever since devouring David Everitt-Matthias's book, Essence, whilst exploring Whitstable last autumn, I've had a crazed desire to visit the author's restaurant in Cheltenham.

We decided to make the most of our trip to Cheltenham so turned into a mini holiday. Everyone we spoke to in Cheltenham before we visited the restaurant had the same reaction. Amazing food. But terrible atmosphere. We put this to one side, dismissing them as idiotic locals. But of course they were right!

Le Champignon Sauvage is focused purely on the end product. The food is the star of the 2 Michelin starred show. But this is at the vast expense of everythng else. It's almost as if they are being obtuse about the whole thing.

As we walked in we couldn't help thinking that we were in the wrong place. We sat down in the waiting room which made us feel like we were in a cross between a dentists and an Indian takeaway.

The menu read beautifully. Full of interesting ideas that we hadn't encountered before. Cowie and I consulted heavily with the waitress before deciding to have scallops followed by skate for Cowie and rabbit and pigs' tail caneloni followed by zander for me. I chose them because I would never cook them at home. This a rule I am trying to live by when it comes to ordering in restaurants.

We were ushered through to a dining room that was as quiet as it was floodlit. We were surrounded by the posh and aging population of Cheltenham who actively disobeyed the strict no mobile phone rule that is printed on the menu like they do at golf clubs.

Cowie's scallops were delicious, but not the best we've ever had. They were accompanied by an intriguing combination of licorice and artichoke. Big flavours for a couple of little blobs of fishy flesh.

My rabbit and pigs' tail dish was stunning. Layers of flavours that I found very hard to decode, but completely loved. Fascinating. This is why we came here. This is what they do best. This is what got me excited when I read Essence. This was awesome.

Cowie's skate was good. But it was a bit stingy and greasy. It needed to be meatier. Skate is one of our favourite fish but this didn't live up to our expectations.

I ordered zander more through curiosity than a desire to eat it. That said it was an interesting dish that was of more interest to the brain than the mouth. Again it was quite hard to unravel and just like everything else was presented with great style.

Feeling a bit wary of the bill and not feeling the love for anything on the menu we decided to feast on petit fours washed down with a cup of iffy espresso. We staggered back to our BnB with their words of wisdom ringing in our ears. They were completely right - the food is brilliant, if a bit inaccessible, whilst the atmosphere is morgue like. With the lights being so bright and the room so unfriendly nobody speaks above a whisper. It's something we haven't experienced before and resulted in us breaking out into spontaneous laughter on a couple of accoassions to see if we'd get told off!

I'm delighted we've dined here - as its somewhere I've wanted to go to for ages. It brought us down to Cheltenham and introuduced us to the brilliant restaurant Royal Wells Tavern.