Lincoln Kebab House

Bonnie_Stewart

Simply the best 14th January 2009

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Should you find your taste buds aching for a novel culinary sensation, then look no further than the Lincoln Kebab House. The moment their glossy brochure floated through the letter box, we were dazzled by the plethora of meat and chip combinations. Some examples will ably demonstrate the sheer mind-boggling variety on offer at this jewel of take away gastronomy: ‘Meat & chips, doner meat & chips, chicken doner meat & chips, unspecified meat & chips; chips, chips with cheese, chips with mushrooms, chips with cheese & mushrooms, chips with chips & cheese & mushrooms, garlic chips with chips & cheese & mushrooms, garlic chips with garlic chips & garlic cheese & garlic mushrooms, garlic with garlic meat, etc: a miracle of invention to be sure, and so reasonably priced – a special meal offer was available, and even though this could not be used in conjunction with any other offer, we enjoyed the one delicious meal we were allowed. After merely fifteen torturous garbled telephone minutes, we finally managed to communicate our postcode, and were promised a new level of cuisine within the hour. It duly arrived, and we were delighted to discover we had opted for the ‘unspecified chickenesque meat with boiled chips & (what looked like rhinoceros bile) white sauce combination with garlic concrete in a hermetically sealed plastic tub sporting a stapled- on chilled pita bread cover, meal + 1 x Ribena’. This, we were assured, was ‘food’, which had been grilled in front of a ‘spitfire’ – classic aeronautic cordon bleu. We marveled at the feast in prospect…… Five hours, three chips and one indeterminate lump later, we reverently placed the 3 kilo remnant in the bin, happy in the certainty that £15 had been well spent. Highly recommended.